I love it.
I was lying in bed wanting to go back to sleep—didn’t have to set the alarm today!—but I couldn’t. I had to get up and write the thoughts racing around in my head, tempered by wisdom Holy Spirit was interspersing amongst them.
Today I have my second appointment with my wonderful Christian counselor. She gave me 2 homework assignments the first time we met 2 weeks ago. The first was a letter to my Dad, the second a list of positive things about myself. I procrastinated long enough that I found myself writing both just last night.
I may address the first in a later post, but it was so hard to write I’m not ready to go there yet.
The 2nd was difficult for a different reason. I did manage to come up with a list of 21 positive things, although many of them were qualified.
One curious fact: none of the 21 things had anything to do with my appearance. I remembered this fact when I woke this morning. Then I remembered “They that observe lying vanities forsake their own chesed.” (OJB)
The online Bible study I participate in teaches us to appreciate our bodies based upon Psalm 139:14, and 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us our bodies are the temple of Holy Spirit and should be treated with respect. But our appearance on the whole is not who we are. Nor does a number on a scale indicate our true worth.
I am not one who takes great pains with her appearance. Being a perfectionist, and never able to achieve that with regard to appearance, I don’t really even try anymore except on special occasions, or to appease my mother, with whom I live and who, being a true Southern Belle, doesn’t understand this part of me at all.
But. . . because my body is the temple of Holy Spirit, I recognize I have not cared for it the way I should have. I would like to say every extra pound I carry on it is one instance of a time I have not run to my Savior for comfort instead of food. However, if that were a fact I’d probably weigh 5000 pounds, or more likely no longer be alive. I think a better analogy would probably be every extra ounce represents a time I did not run to my Savior for what I needed.
However, my vanity mirror, which is about 3-1/2 feet in front of me even as I type this, and only shows me from the neck up, actually is a lying vanity as to the me described in Psalm 139:14. It does not necessarily look the way I wish it would (perfectionist, remember?), but if it could see inside me, see the steps I’m taking to forsake the lies and embrace my chesed, its value would be so much greater.
The online Bible study also has participants on the other end of the spectrum, who restrict their food &/or exercise to excess to control their appearance. All participants in the study are dealing with lying vanities (false gods).
I hope if you recognize yourself in anything I’ve written you will consider praying this prayer and seeing what God will do.
Father, I thank You that Your might knows no bounds. You can take this stubborn heart and transform it into something truly beautiful. This is not just Your promise to me; it is Your promise to all Your children.
I know the work will not be completed this side of Heaven, but I’m learning to see it as an adventure instead of a curse. That also is evidence of your reshaping of my heart.
I pray that You would reveal Your truth (the only Truth) to me as I seek your face and ultimately am able to embrace the person you created me to be long before I ever drew a breath, that I can see a glimpse of the me that You see.
With utmost gratitude to the Lover of my soul.
1 Corinthians 6:19-29
Ezekiel 11:19 & 36:26