perfect/perfection – JLM in Euroclydon

Precious Memories

Memories of Rod

10 years ago, almost to the day, I was enjoying friends and family who had just helped celebrate my wedding to Roderick Lloyd McDougall. Although we were married on October 24, 2009, it was a Saturday. Today is a Saturday, so I went by the church where we celebrated to revisit some memories.

It rained today. fain It was raining when I woke this morning, and it is still raining now, well into the evening hours. A steady rain, not a storm, but heavy enough that streets were passing from the unexpected puddle stage to the full-blown flooded stage. A similar rain was falling my soul.

Returning from a meeting in another town I took the long way home so I could stop at the church. assemblyofgod Although my memories of that day are nearly all good, I anticipated having a good cry when I arrived.

Once there, though, there were no tears.

Only the memories. Precious memories, how they linger. . .

It is a song that was one popular at funerals.

Remembering what I wore as Rod and I started our journey to Pigeon Forge that evening. It was a gift from the pastor’s wife, a purple sweater knitted out of some scrumptiously soft yarn, and I think I was wearing jeans. Rod was dressed comfortably, too. He had not at all enjoyed the feel of his tux and was happy to dress back down to his more casual—much more casual—customary attire.

Precious sacred scenes unfold. . .

As I sat in the parking lot tonight parked in a handicapped spot (no one else was there to see my infraction or to need the spot) just a dozen feet or truck so from where Rod’s truck was parked that night when I climbed into the passenger seat next to my new husband who was old-fashioned enough to insist on driving the whole way, I allowed the memories full reign.

As I travel on life’s highway. . .

I remembered a time several hours earlier in the day, early afternoon, getting ready in the small apartment in the church with my daughter and my best friend, maid of honor and bridesmaid respectively. One thing weighed heavily on my mind.

Would he show?

I sent my daughter out into the church more than once to check on him. He was late, but. . . finally he was there. I could breathe a little easier.

Knowing not what the years may hold. . .

Why was I so worried? Didn’t I trust the man I was about to marry?

Life had given me reasons, many of them, to not trust. I trusted God, but I had a little more difficulty with his most precious creations. Even this one, the one I was about to marry, had let me down 5 years earlier by breaking my heart when he came to realize it was too soon after his wife’s death to be involved with another woman; he wasn’t ready.

What if he still wasn’t ready?

This time he was, and it was such a good thing. We had 6 years, 3 months, and 19 days together. At the end of that time, God determined that Rod’s purpose on earth (and I believe those last 6 years were mainly the restoration of my wounded soul) was complete. Did you know another word for complete is perfect? Rod’s work was both complete and perfect, and he got to go home. He was 1 week short of his 56^th birthday. Rod FFD 2014

As I ponder, hope grows fonder. . .

My work is not done. I am still here. I don’t have a complete picture of what that work will be. Except for this. When I became Rod’s wife, my name changed from Jacqueline Lisa Stauffer-Taylor to Jacqueline Lisa McDougall (initials JLM which also stand for Jesus Loves Me). Rod is no longer with me, but JLM remains. Jesus Loves Me. What an identify, one which had always been mine, which Rod helped me understand and which remains.

Unseen angels from somewhere to my soul. . .

For those of you who like math and dates (as I do) you have probably figured out that Rod was a Valentine’s baby, born February 14, 1960.

Love and miss you, my seen angel. bass

What is My Purpose!

What is My Purpose?

From July 14 through July 25, 19 students of ages between 21 and 64 listened, talked, participated, wrote, conferenced, laughed, cried, argued, and probably a couple of other verbs the variety of methods used to learn the subject matter the instructors were trying to teach.

Why?

Not too long after Rod died, God revealed that there were individuals who had spent the decades of their earthly lives on a church pew without understanding the most important reasons why.

How could they be helped?

Who would help them?

So began the journey to Licensed Local Pastor School.

Was every one of those 19 people there because they felt a similar, strong directive from God to be there?

Did everyone know the journey might be in vain—there was a chance licensing to pastor a small church, the chief reason for enrolling in the school, would not be the end result?

How many of them started with the initial mark against them of a faith journey thus far walked closely with and wholly trusting in Jesus alone that was different from that expected by the school?

Were any of them “different/weirdly wired” in the way they thought?

What did they each learn? Did they further their education in things for which they already had an elementary knowledge?

This would include the 9 spiritual disciplines:

Prayer
Worship
Fasting
Scripture (Bible reading)
Study (Bible with supplementary resources)
Stewardship (tithing—not just money but talent)
Solitude
Fellowship
Service

Did they learn that the 9 spiritual disciplines don’t just “happen” to a believer; rather they should be “intentional” acts on the part of the believer? Most of these intentional acts can and should be practiced frequently. Some are easier than others, and some will need constant vigilance and reinforcement to be fully engaged.

Did they befriend those with whom they might not ever have otherwise crossed paths? The love of Jesus was clearly and deeply experienced both through other people and through the work of Holy Spirit when human frailty raged within and without. Did they feel that? True, faith isn’t based on feelings, but God gave us feelings.

Did they learn about communication? When one speaks, it is not the words alone which are important; indeed, they are of minimal importance. The tone with which the words are spoken bears more weight, and some would say body language is of the utmost importance! Body language is difficult to alter (for reasons fully addressed in previous posts and implied in this one). Learning to speak with a tone which conveys kindness, encouragement, and the love of Jesus is an achievable goal. Although this is not one of the spiritual disciplines, in this writer’s case, it will be made so.

On the original draft of this blog, the word “I” appeared more than 40 times with other words such as “my” not even counted but present. Since not using personal pronouns is grammatically unwieldy (see above reference to “this writer”), the rest will include the to-be-avoided-at-all-costs pronouns.

The previously mentioned end result? Mom, sister, son, daughter-in-law, 2 granddaughters and Pastor Dave all came to the ceremony Thursday evening to cheer encouragement as I received my graduation certificate.

I was told more than once that the certificate was just a paper saying the classes had all been completed with a passing grade (one of them barely), but it would be strongly recommended a license not be issued to me at the time the other students receive theirs in one to two months. In part, this was due to belief differences which I admittedly didn’t wish to change, and I believe God would have been displeased with me if I had. The major hindrance was, of course, the ASC which many don’t even believe exists because of adroit masking practiced and nearly perfected over the past 50 years. It was the black and white thinking, however, which was my downfall.

God had me take the schooling for a reason. Of course, I tried to figure out just what that reason might be. Could it be that it was to encourage one of the other students in some way? That happened, so possibly that was the correct answer. Did one of the other students need to see a fellow student “on the edge” most of the time and “over the edge” a couple times, but by the grace of God getting back up every single time? That happened, too.

It is about God. It’s not about me. It’s really not even about other people, although some would disagree.

He told me long ago my purpose in life is to glorify him (confirmed in Isaiah 43:7), a fait accompli in my own unique way with regard to Licensed Local Pastor School. I am, as always, grateful to him for his greatly needed assistance.

Now waiting patiently for his next direction, I will continue to learn about the love with which he has loved me so that the love can be given back to him and to others.

Reader greatly loved by our Heavenly Father, God Almighty, may he bless you in all you say and do and in everything your hands touch. In the precious name of Jesus Christ.

Lying Vanities

Lying Vanity

I love it.

I was lying in bed wanting to go back to sleep—didn’t have to set the alarm today!—but I couldn’t. I had to get up and write the thoughts racing around in my head, tempered by wisdom Holy Spirit was interspersing amongst them.

Today I have my second appointment with my wonderful Christian counselor. She gave me 2 homework assignments the first time we met 2 weeks ago. The first was a letter to my Dad, the second a list of positive things about myself. I procrastinated long enough that I found myself writing both just last night.

I may address the first in a later post, but it was so hard to write I’m not ready to go there yet.

The 2^nd was difficult for a different reason. I did manage to come up with a list of 21 positive things, although many of them were qualified.

One curious fact: none of the 21 things had anything to do with my appearance. I remembered this fact when I woke this morning. Then I remembered “They that observe lying vanities forsake their own chesed.” (OJB)

The online Bible study I participate in teaches us to appreciate our bodies based upon Psalm 139:14, and 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us our bodies are the temple of Holy Spirit and should be treated with respect. But our appearance on the whole is not who we are. Nor does a number on a scale indicate our true worth.

I am not one who takes great pains with her appearance. Being a perfectionist, and never able to achieve that with regard to appearance, I don’t really even try anymore except on special occasions, or to appease my mother, with whom I live and who, being a true Southern Belle, doesn’t understand this part of me at all.

But. . . because my body is the temple of Holy Spirit, I recognize I have not cared for it the way I should have. I would like to say every extra pound I carry on it is one instance of a time I have not run to my Savior for comfort instead of food. However, if that were a fact I’d probably weigh 5000 pounds, or more likely no longer be alive. I think a better analogy would probably be every extra ounce represents a time I did not run to my Savior for what I needed.

However, my vanity mirror, which is about 3-1/2 feet in front of me even as I type this, and only shows me from the neck up, actually is a lying vanity as to the me described in Psalm 139:14. It does not necessarily look the way I wish it would (perfectionist, remember?), but if it could see inside me, see the steps I’m taking to forsake the lies and embrace my chesed, its value would be so much greater.

The online Bible study also has participants on the other end of the spectrum, who restrict their food &/or exercise to excess to control their appearance. All participants in the study are dealing with lying vanities (false gods).

I hope if you recognize yourself in anything I’ve written you will consider praying this prayer and seeing what God will do.

pray

Father, I thank You that Your might knows no bounds. You can take this stubborn heart and transform it into something truly beautiful. This is not just Your promise to me; it is Your promise to all Your children.

I know the work will not be completed this side of Heaven, but I’m learning to see it as an adventure instead of a curse. That also is evidence of your reshaping of my heart.

I pray that You would reveal Your truth (the only Truth) to me as I seek your face and ultimately am able to embrace the person you created me to be long before I ever drew a breath, that I can see a glimpse of the me that You see.

With utmost gratitude to the Lover of my soul.

Amen.

bible skinny

Jonah 2:8
Psalm 139:13-15
1 Corinthians 6:19-29
Ezekiel 11:19 & 36:26
Galatians 2:20
Ephesians 2:4-9

https://binged.it/2vorF4g

Chesed/Hesed

chesed

I am fascinated by this word!

Jonah 2:8 in the Orthodox Jewish Bible (OJB) reads “They that observe lying vanities forsake their own chesed.”

Definition of chesed/hesed—There were actually several different definitions for this Hebrew word, the most common of which was loving-kindness.

This explanation, a bit more than a definition was found at https://discovertheword.org/2010/09/08/the-old-testament-word-hesed-and-the-profound-meaning-it-has-for-us-today/

Hesed is difficult to translate because it stands for a cluster of ideas—love, mercy, grace, kindness. It wraps up in itself all the positive attributes of God. Hesed is one of the Lord’s most treasured characteristics.

Hesed is a quality that moves someone to act for the benefit of someone else without considering “what’s in it for me?”

It may be translated as “loyal love.” Sometimes the emphasis is on “loyal” and other times the emphasis is on “love.”

Look at some other translations of Jonah 2:8

21^st Century King James Version (KJ21) “They that observe lying vanities forsake their own mercy,”

American Standard Version (ASV) “They that regard lying vanities
Forsake their own mercy.”

The only difference between these two translations is observe versus regard.

What does vanity mean in this context? vanity This is the image that first comes to my mind when I hear the word vanity. Insert picture.

Next is the quality of being vain or taking too much pride in oneself.

Then I was surprised that it can mean what at first glance appears almost the opposite—the quality of being worthless or futile.

All 3 of these, on overthinking, can mean the same thing. Look at that huge mirror on the vanity I chose for this blog. And are not the drawers used to store makeup and jewelry, things designed to make one take more price in her appearance? And is it not true that often the outer appearance does not reflect the true nature of one’s heart/soul?

Setting aside the above overthinking paragraph, it seems like the 3^rd definition is the one which most accurately reflects what is being described in Jonah 2:8. Not just a worthlessly futile thing but a lying worthlessly futile thing.

Going on to a couple other translations:

Christian Standard Bible (CSB) “Those who cherish worthless idols abandon their faithful love,”

Amplified (AMP) “Those who regard and follow worthless idols turn away from their [living source of] mercy and lovingkindness.”

So this worthlessly futile thing is an idol!

We follow the vanities/idols of our unfaithful hearts, be they any of the mind-numbing activities we use to . . . wow! . . . numb our minds! These could be addictive behaviors, unrighteous anger, self, maybe even things that aren’t necessarily bad but become bad when used the wrong way. In so doing we are actually repenting—or turning away from—the chesed/hesed (It wraps up in itself all the positive attributes of God. Hesed is one of the Lord’s most treasured characteristics) Abba so freely gives.

Please join me as, with the help of my Father, I learn to repent of the lying vanities and embrace the chesed.

praying

My Father in Heaven, I come before you having followed the lying vanities a large part of this day.

Tomorrow is a new day, and according to Lamentations 3:22-23 because of your great love (hesed/chesed) your compassions and mercies are new every day. I receive your perfect compassions and mercies working in my soul tomorrow, knowing that your love is making me complete.

Now, because of you, Lord, I will like down in peace and sleep comes at once, for no matter what happens, I will live unafraid!

Perfect Isn’t a Thing

In my quest to memorize the chapter of Romans 8, I last memorized verse 5: For those who are dominated by their sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Spirit think about things that please the Spirit.

romans Time for verse 6: So letting your sinful nature control your thoughts leads to death, but letting the Spirit control your thoughts leads to life and peace.

The meaning behind this verse permeates the online Bible study I’m currently doing. Every participant in the study is trying to reach the place where the Spirit is in control (perfection).
untitled
Today in the online webinar I learned perfect isn’t possible. It isn’t even a thing. Uggh! Even for this overthinker, because my overthinking is overlaid with a tendancy to put everything in black and white, this is very hard to procsess, but . . . I will attempt to do so.

I would assume the teaching refers to our bodies (sinful natures) and souls; i.e., our humanness. Because our spirit, the main part of us, was already complete (perfect) when it came to life at our salvation. If our spirits were in control, we would not have to achieve perfection; it would already be present.

Unfortunately most of us live with our humanness in control, rather than our spirit. We are not predominately led by the Holy Spirit. Therefore, it’s not possible to be perfect in this life, it is not possible to be 100% Spirit led 100% of the time. The goal is to each day give up a larger percentage of our self (body & soul) to the control of the spirit alive within us who are born again.

There is a song currently popular in CCM called “Hard Love” by the group Need to Breathe. One of the lines goes like this: “It’s not enough to just feel the flame. You’ve gotta burn your old self away”. This is so radical. I don’t even like feeling the flame! Burning my old self away? But consider: When we let God “burn away” our old self (humanness/sinful nature) we will be free to experience life, real life, and peace of the supernatural variety rather than sin and death through Jesus Christ our Lord (Romans 7:24 & 25), the only human being who ever was or will be perfect.

Note to me: Quit trying to be perfect, let the Perfect One lead you.