Category: weight loss

Lying Vanities

Lying Vanity

I love it.

I was lying in bed wanting to go back to sleep—didn’t have to set the alarm today!—but I couldn’t. I had to get up and write the thoughts racing around in my head, tempered by wisdom Holy Spirit was interspersing amongst them.

Today I have my second appointment with my wonderful Christian counselor. She gave me 2 homework assignments the first time we met 2 weeks ago. The first was a letter to my Dad, the second a list of positive things about myself. I procrastinated long enough that I found myself writing both just last night.

I may address the first in a later post, but it was so hard to write I’m not ready to go there yet.

The 2nd was difficult for a different reason. I did manage to come up with a list of 21 positive things, although many of them were qualified.

One curious fact: none of the 21 things had anything to do with my appearance. I remembered this fact when I woke this morning. Then I remembered “They that observe lying vanities forsake their own chesed.” (OJB)

The online Bible study I participate in teaches us to appreciate our bodies based upon Psalm 139:14, and 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 tells us our bodies are the temple of Holy Spirit and should be treated with respect. But our appearance on the whole is not who we are. Nor does a number on a scale indicate our true worth.

I am not one who takes great pains with her appearance. Being a perfectionist, and never able to achieve that with regard to appearance, I don’t really even try anymore except on special occasions, or to appease my mother, with whom I live and who, being a true Southern Belle, doesn’t understand this part of me at all.

But. . . because my body is the temple of Holy Spirit, I recognize I have not cared for it the way I should have. I would like to say every extra pound I carry on it is one instance of a time I have not run to my Savior for comfort instead of food. However, if that were a fact I’d probably weigh 5000 pounds, or more likely no longer be alive. I think a better analogy would probably be every extra ounce represents a time I did not run to my Savior for what I needed.

However, my vanity mirror, which is about 3-1/2 feet in front of me even as I type this, and only shows me from the neck up, actually is a lying vanity as to the me described in Psalm 139:14. It does not necessarily look the way I wish it would (perfectionist, remember?), but if it could see inside me, see the steps I’m taking to forsake the lies and embrace my chesed, its value would be so much greater.

The online Bible study also has participants on the other end of the spectrum, who restrict their food &/or exercise to excess to control their appearance. All participants in the study are dealing with lying vanities (false gods).

I hope if you recognize yourself in anything I’ve written you will consider praying this prayer and seeing what God will do.

pray

Father, I thank You that Your might knows no bounds. You can take this stubborn heart and transform it into something truly beautiful. This is not just Your promise to me; it is Your promise to all Your children.

I know the work will not be completed this side of Heaven, but I’m learning to see it as an adventure instead of a curse. That also is evidence of your reshaping of my heart.

I pray that You would reveal Your truth (the only Truth) to me as I seek your face and ultimately am able to embrace the person you created me to be long before I ever drew a breath, that I can see a glimpse of the me that You see.

With utmost gratitude to the Lover of my soul.

Amen.

bible skinny

Jonah 2:8
Psalm 139:13-15
1 Corinthians 6:19-29
Ezekiel 11:19 & 36:26
Galatians 2:20
Ephesians 2:4-9

https://binged.it/2vorF4g

Verily, Verily

verily

Definition of verily:
1 : in truth : certainly
2 : truly, confidently

We trust Merriam-Webster to give us true definitions of unfamiliar words.  Here is some background info on Mr’s Merriam and Mr Webster.

Merriam–Webster, Incorporated, is an American company that publishes reference books, especially known for its dictionaries. In 1828, George and Charles Merriam founded the company as G & C Merriam Co. in Springfield, Massachusetts. In 1843, after Noah Webster died, the company bought the rights to An American Dictionary of the English Language from Webster’s estate. All Merriam–Webster dictionaries trace their lineage to this source.

What else do we know about both the Mr Merriams and Mr Webster without further research on any of them?  They were born and died, had a beginning and an end.  Since they were human, they were imperfect.

God has neither beginning nor end. He is the alpha and omega. He is completely perfect and perfectly complete. We can be certain (verily, verily?) that, unlike every book ever written by man—which, of course, would be every book—that written by God, the Bible, is truth. So, for the Great Author of Life to precede a statement, already the utmost truth, with even one “verily” must mean we should pay extra attention to what follows. But what about when He precedes it with two?

Since I generally stick with the NIV, NLT, or CSB, I don’t encounter “verily, verily” often when studying. The verse in the picture above in CSB reads “43 And he said to him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be thiefoncrosswith me in paradise.” Another translation I discovered recently on my phone, The Passion Translation, says “3 Jesus responded, “I promise you—this very day you will enter paradise with me.”  Jesus didn’t just tell the thief this—that would have been enough—this time he promised.

 

rhema_sm

So when God speaks the same thing to me through more than one source, I tend to treat that as a verily, verily. Or, as was the case with the thief on the cross, a Rhema word from God.

 

All that to preface this occurrence which happened a few days ago

Verify #1:  I’d completed the online homework assignment for my Bible study and gone on to Bible reading.  Today, I read out of the NLT, and I was in Matthew.

My homework assignment was to journal about how comparing myself to others hindered my relationship with God and His purpose for my life.  Although this Bible study focuses on weight and body image issues, I was easily able to come up with several other areas where this could apply and jotted them down as well.  These included:

  1. Method and character of prayer.
  2. Method and character of worship.
  3. Career.
  4. Shyness (method and character of fellowship).
  5. Lack of pride in appearance.
  6. Ability or even desire to have an immaculate house.
  7. Poverty mentality (compared to peers).

Some of these are absolutely unbelievable, right? Take a look at the first two!

Yet I have allowed the enemy, oftentimes through well-meaning Christians, yes, even leaders in the church, to put these on me. The fact that I even put my mind to any of these indicates a lack of understanding of the truth of God’s love and my willingness to embrace the lies of the enemy.

What about you? Have you believed and internalized into your very being words that do not line up with The Word and, as a result, done yourself harm? Take a look at this:

Verily #2:  Matthew chapter 15, verses 8-11 (underlining done by me):

“8 ‘These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. 9 Their worship is a farce, for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God.’”

10 Then Jesus called to the crowd to come and hear. “Listen,” he said, “and try to understand. 11 It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.””

 

These verses offer a succinct contrast of lips/mouth and heart. Unless we have some kind of gastric illness, what comes out of our mouths does not come from our stomachs; it comes from our hearts.heart

What goes into our stomachs–“bad” and “good” foods by man’s definitions–does not make us “bad” or “good” in God’s eyes. In fact, we are neither “bad” nor “good” in His eyes. It is impossible to be “good enough”. 

We are either covered by the blood or Jesus or we are not.

Thank you, Abba, for your verily, verily unto me.

Finding Balance

Although I try to keep my posts as positive as possible, I know transparency is of vital importance in benefitting anyone, especially me. So. . . here goes.

Today (written on Wednesday, January 24) was an all-out binge. I will probably put in my hand-written journal what it consisted of, but not here.

Yesterday was quite different. Felt like I walked in victory all day, thanking God for my lunch and asking him to help me stop when it was time—and He did. But. . . then I went out to Wal-Mart to kill some time before going to work and picked up ingredients for what is probably my current favorite binge. I did not binge yesterday, though.

The binge started today.

So, I guess the fail started yesterday at Wal-Mart and tonight as I sit here typing this, my stomach is about to bust out of the surrounding layer of adiposity—the large layer of adiposity; I am extremely uncomfortable physically. Because of this I am asking God, once again, to help me to turn and stating I will do my best to do so. My best in this area isn’t very good—that’s why His help is essential.

So does that mean I’m victorious since it only took me, what 29 hours from the fail to the repent. I do believe this is true repentance based on my current understanding of repentance. I’m not crying, I’m not deeply sorrowful, but I’m in enough physical pain to not want a repeat tomorrow. But at the same time, I’m scared it will happen anyway, no, probably not tomorrow, but perhaps as early as Friday.

I’m saving this until morning to post.

My plan is to rise an hour and a half earlier than necessary and spend the time with God, in prayer, Bible study, Bible reading, and meditation and to start memorizing Romans 8:5. Signing off 5:55 pm. . .
. . .
5:21 am Still in some physical pain due to the binge but of a different nature and not as intense. More like a 4 instead of the 7 it was last night.

And I caught a side glance of myself in form-fitting leggings in a full-length mirror as I walked past it. Not an auspicious beginning to my day. If I continued to walk in my flesh (sinful nature), I would be setting myself up for failure today. I cannot worry about tomorrow (Friday) because today has its own worries (Mathew 6:34)

But. . . I am still resolved to walk in the Spirit today. Yes, I saw my flesh in the mirror, but I will not be led by it. Interestingly, and so like God, my next verse to memorize in Romans is verse 5 which reads “Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit.”

Yesterday, I was dominated by the sinful nature. I thought about God from time to time, prayed several times throughout the day, and read about Him, but I was not controlled by the Holy Spirit. He is alive and well within me, but I chose to let the sinful nature be in control.

Today I choose to let Holy Spirit be in control. Thank you, Jesus, for sending Him as a comforter and guide.  It is now 5:31 am.

7:27 pm  Was I Spirit led or soul/flesh led today?

If I were to judge by my feelings, I would say the latter.  I did not feel particularly spiritual or spiritually insightful.  But, the Spirit was leading because there were no binges.  None.

The Lord did it!  (2 Samuel 5:20)

Surrender

fire

Today I made a sacrifice.

I spent the morning at one of my jobs working alone on a once-a-year project.  My current favorite binge food was right there next to the computer.

Yesterday at OACF there was a prophetic word spoken that chains were being broken.  I was at the altar before the Lord at the time, and I took this as a Rhema word for me.  That the chains that held me prisoner to my stomach were being broken.

Yet here I was sitting at work 24 hours later with my go-to binge food at hand.

I started Grace and Strength back on July 26, 2-1/2 month ago.  My first month in the program I lost over 20 pounds!  Then the 2nd weekend in September, I took my eyes off Jesus and settled them on the waves (recent loss of husband, home, and worldly identity) and fell in.  That resulted in an 11-pound weight gain in 2 days!

But Grace and Strength didn’t kick me out then . . .or today when I reported to my coach my struggles continue.  I thank God for April.

I also felt God telling me to take the remains of my binge home and burn them on a sacrificial fire symbolizing my complete surrender of my will with regard to food.  I felt led to pray “Father, from this point on, may I run to you the way I ran to this food today.”  I didn’t add “Replace the pleasures derived from consuming this with a pleasant sensation or other good reason to do so.”

Then just a few minutes ago I heard Francis Chan speaking about a sin with which many Christians are judgmental.  He lumped it together with all other sins as being a problem of lack of surrender.  They way he stated everything absolutely made sense.  He stated there may be something God asks us to do that we absolutely do not want to do.  If we don’t do it, it is sin.  We MUST do it.  God is God and we are not.

So God brought everything back into perspective.  My church’s tagline is “Church of a Second Chance”  Thank God the word “Second” is just a word, and his mercies are new every morning—infinite.